Sunday Post: Age Is Just A Number

It seems as if it were just yesterday that my doctor looked at me and said, “Congratulations, your pregnant”. I recall vividly the expression of happiness that came across my husband’s face while I was having an inner moment of overwhelming joy.  Already having a 5 year old son, we were both excited about the idea of expanding our family.

We let three months pass before we decided to share the news with family and friends as wanted to ensure that we were in the “safe zone”. Well, upon sharing the news, it was met with more questions than congratulations - questions such as: “ Are you seriously pregnant?”; “Why did you two wait so long?”; “Was this a mistake?”; “Did you two plan to have a child five years later?”; “What will you tell your son?”; “How will you prepare him?”. These questions were popping up faster than I could process them, let alone respond. I know (at least I want to believe) that many of these questions came from a place of surprise and not malicious intent.

For years, most of us have been conditioned to believe that couples should plan to have children within 1-2 year intervals and the fact that I was having a child five years later was just wrong (in theory). So, when I was questioned instead of congratulated, I couldn’t hold anyone’s words as an action of the heart, but a mere shift in what their mind was programmed to believe.

During my pregnancy journey, my husband and I explained (and constantly reinforced ) to our son that the well of love  in our home never runs dry no matter how large our unit becomes. And, guess what, he was old enough and mentally mature enough to understand  our words and accept our teachings.

When we welcomed our now 7 week old daughter, our son was (and still is) her biggest fan. He was happy and proud that not only we have an extra addition to our family, but he now has a new title, Big Brother – a title that he owns up to in his actions. I’ve never seen someone so young be so caring and compassionate – it truly warms my heart.

For anyone who has questioned whether or not it’s wise to have significant age gaps between siblings, I’d like to think that I’m living proof that it can work and work well.

The key is to remember that things don’t have to happen the way that they are written in text books or shaped in the manner that we were taught. If my husband and I planned our family based upon societal norms, we may have missed out on an opportunity to hone in on our son’s inner leader characteristics and lost the opportunity to add another love joy to our home and heart.

At the end of the day, we must do what we feel is best for our own lives and let the results write the story for us to hand down to our children and their children’s children.  

*** This article was composed by Patrice Jones-Washington. Its content is original work of the author.

Sunday Post: Adjusting To Post Baby Body!

After giving birth to my daughter 11 weeks ago, I'm learning to adjust to my post pregnancy body.

Last week, I went to Target in search of Christmas socks for the kids and I stumbled into the women's clothing area. While there, I came across this adorable black and white checkered skirt by Merona (seen here - poor lighting from my smart phone). It was a size 4 and we all know I haven't seen a size four since I was in the 8th grade, but miraculously it fit. A little snug, but doable with a pair of black tights.

My post pregnancy body this time around has been easy to adjust to - my hips have expanded, but I accept them as a badge of honor for being a carrier of life (this is the ONLY way I can truly accept them -- chuckles).

After giving birth to my son six years ago, I had a very hard time getting used to my post pregnancy body. During my pregnancy, I'd gone from an approximate weight of 140lbs to a near 200lbs and my son only attributed to 7 of those pounds. Needless to say that after giving birth, I was still very much overweight (I'm 5'5 1/2 feet tall) and I had a hard time adjusting.

What I've learned from being a 20something mom adjusting to a new body and a now 30something mom is that life isn't always perfect, but the key is to see beyond the imperfections and to be happy. Wide hips and all, I'm happy because in the end, the pros outweigh the cons.

I'd like to hear from you. After giving birth, how did you accept your post pregnancy body? Please share.

Unfortunately, today's kickoff meeting had to be canceled, but the theme, "Creating balance: Learn how to live a full life while raising a child." couldn't have been more appropriate as the cancellation was largely due to failure to create balance between other obligations.

Later today, I intend to share tips that I intend to implement in order to strike a fine balance between personal and professional obligations.

In the interim, I'm sharing an article from TODAY Moms that I enjoyed and is focused on balance. Enjoy!

********************************

10 things no one told you about work-life balance with kids

By Laura T. Coffey, TODAYshow.com contributor
Work-life balance? With kids?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

If you work outside the home and you’re anything like me, you too may have fleeting thoughts of “Ha!” and “Oh brother!” and “What-EVER!” whenever you see reassuring articles about attaining work-life balance as a parent. I say that, and I’ve even written an article or two like that myself. (Although, in my defense, I did try to make those articles uber-practical ... but still!)

The longer I try my hand at this whole parenting gig, the more clearly I see that any illusion of control I have is just that: An illusion. It may be possible to wrest a few things under control some of the time with some hard-core planning and scheduling, but for the most part it’s just a matter of taming chaos on a day-to-day, take-it-as-it-comes basis.

My best friend Dawn Browne -- a mom who has two fabulous kids and a high-pressure job -- summed it up perfectly, I think:

“There is no such thing as balance with children -- only days with blood and/or tears, and days without (including your own),” she said. “Conservatively plan for no bloodless or tearless days for the first five years.”

Here’s another one of my favorite gems from Dawn:

“There’s a fine line between ‘working better under pressure’ and mental illness.”
Indeed!

Bearing all that in mind, here is a list of 10 things no one bothered to tell you about work-life balance before you became a parent. Read on -- if you dare!

1. You will always, always, ALWAYS be tired and always will feel as though you could lie down and sleep for 15 hours straight.

2. Sleep deprivation will lead to a brain-crushing haze that will cause your sharp mind to fade for a minimum of one calendar year, and possibly even longer -– but you’ll have to fake it and pretend nothing is wrong around other people at work.

3. Sleep deprivation also will create in you a strange and inexplicable spelling disorder that will cause you to use the wrong “to,” “your” and “its,” despite your most careful intentions. You’ll also start to spell some words phonetically -- and wildly incorrectly -- all because you’re trying to do too many things at once in much too much of a hurry.

4. While it’s always been mega-challenging on all sorts of levels, work outside the home will become the biggest, most gargantuan, most Herculean effort you ever tackled. You will feel like you completed the Ironman in Kona, Hawaii at the end of most otherwise ordinary work weeks. (Not that I have ANY idea what completing the Ironman in Kona feels like, mind you -- but I watched a documentary about it recently and identified with it in the most uncanny way.)

---

5. When your children are very small, finding decent child care will be one of the primary reasons that work is such a big, gargantuan, Herculean effort. The stress and angst involved in your quest for quality child care will consume you and keep you awake at night.

6. You will only be able to claim $3,000 of child-care expenses on your taxes for the year, even if you must spend about $12,000 (or even more, in some cases) on care for one child in order to be a productive member of the work force.

7. After your pregnancy, you will have to spend precious time and money scrounging up at least some new work clothes for at least some stretch of time because it likely will take much, much longer than you ever expected to lose the pregnancy weight. (Shut up, Gisele Bündchen and Octomom!) Even if/when you do lose it, a “shifting” will occur and your old clothes may never fit quite the same way again.

8. Just when a real rhythm seems to set in and you finally feel mildly in control, your child will throw up all over his or her daycare provider/preschool instructor/elementary school teacher.

9. The throw-up incident will spark a frantic flurry of messages via e-mail or instant messaging or cell-phone texts between you and your significant other over which person should leave work to pick up the sick child and take him or her to the pediatrician. This negotiation will not be easy because both of you are already worried about how you look at work. (Re-read points 1, 2, 3 and 4.)

10. All of that said, no matter how tired you are, no matter how hard work is, and no matter how ill-fitting your pants feel, becoming a parent is the best thing you’ve ever done -- period.
(Photo credit: Dawn Browne. Photo caption: That’s a snapshot of my buddy Dawn’s work space at her home in Everett, Wash. She e-mailed it to me with this note: “Geez ... why am I so tired? And yes, that’s a diaper on the floor.”)

Related links:

• Discuss: Is work-life balance with kids really possible?
• 10 ways to simplify life as a working mom
• It’s true, moms: Technology can spell salvation